yesterday and my high horse

Ok, I'm not a doctor. Don't play one on TV. Never even had a pre-med class. BUT, after a lifetime of my own health care needs and my ability to read information on the INTERNET, I can get a decent clue as to what is going on.

When Jack was in his coma, there were giving him 5 mg an hour of Ativan. That's 5.0 mg. Ativan is a sedative. If you have panic attacks, or if you are anxious for whatever reason - the doctor might give you a script for it. Typically, people can take 0.5 - 2.0mg a day and it'll mellow 'em out and make them sleep like a baby. The problem is that it's HIGHLY addictive. If you take the stuff everyday for a week, and then suddenly stop - you'll feel it. Your heart will race, chest tighten, won't be able to sleep. It works through in a few days - but, it's awful while it lasts. You really need to wean. Trust me on this one.

That's for only 0.5 mg a DAY. Jack had 5.0 an HOUR for 4 weeks...he proved very hard to keep asleep. The man blew through everything. When the pulled it from him, they did it quickly. If you remember, he became non responsive so they woke him up fast...

They didn't wean him.

I told the nurse, the doctor, the hospitalist, the PT guy, the maintenance person, the guy who drives the Zamboni down the hallway, the person in room 218E...anyone who would listen, that Jack was withdrawing. I DO believe that he is definitely dealing with hospital psychosis. BUT, it was extreme psychosis. There was something else going on. I just knew it.

When I told him what it thought I was, the hospitalist patted me on the head, acted like I was just a silly women who was distraught and told me that the Ataivan would be out of his system by now. He simply didn't know what it was. He was going to send psych up.

I'm sending him a link to wikipedia.com - subject 'ativan' - but I digress.

After an awful day, day before yesterday (the Coretta Scott King Day - still giggling over that one), psych came up. Guess what they said??? Yeah. "OOoooh, they pulled that Ativan too quickly. We need to get him back on it and wean him properly..."

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

They also put him on something for his now called 'delirium' (psychosis) which is temporary and because of all he has been through and where he is at.

SO, he is now on a nice 3.0 mg a day and a nice psychosis-preventum-medicine (made that up (duh) - don't know what it's called.) and yesterday was a great day!!! He was lucid. He walked the hallways. Shaved himself. Brushed his teeth. Ate like a horse. My kids, for the first time in 7 weeks, got to see Jack too. Hannah was scared. She knows how sick Jack has been and she didn't want to see him that way. But, I made her go in and say hi and when we left, she said, "mom, he looked fine. Not sick at all. Just like Jack." Music to my ears!

And, this is great, he called mom last night.

Mom: "hello?"

Jack: "Hi"

Mom: "JACK?"

Jack: "yeah. What did you have for supper?"

He just wanted to talk. *tears* When you are so scared that someone is going to die. When you have prepared yourself for the worst. When you have been told that you might have to make a decision...and then, weeks later, that person calls you and asks what you had for dinner. Well, it's a moment in life that can't be explained.

I just hope that you never have to know it.

So, here's to a good today*

*disclaimer to the fates- I-in-no-way-expect-Jack-to-be-as-good-as-yesterday-and-fully-understand-that-today-might-have-it's-setbacks. So, back off!**

**You guys think this will help keep the fates at bay? : ) Yeah, I'm kidding. Kind-of.