45

Yesterday marked day 45 in the hospital.

I just want to end this post there.

I find it hard to know what else to say. All of the flowery words and insightful hospital observations are dull to me now. I don't want to say anything positive for fear that it'll just have to be recanted later. I don't want to be negative because...well, because.

Here's the facts...Jack got his trachea out yesterday. Ate two trays of food so he didn't have to get his peg in and they are giving him another few days to get his calorie intake up before making the final decision about the surgery. He actually walked down the hall with help from PT. He is off all oxygen. He sits in the chair and can talk the staff's leg off very lucidly (most of the time)about his past, thoughts, etc.

But, when it's just mom (and me - but, mom REALLY gets it) he just loses his reality. He gets mad. frustrated. paranoid. Tries to leave. It's impossible to reason with him.

No, Jack, the staff isn't out to get you. No, Jack, there isn't a conspiracy against you. No, Jack, get back in bed because if you leave, you'll get sick again.

And this is the easy stuff to deal with. If you can imagine any ridiculous scenario the over stimulated brain can come up - Jack can top it. I try to reason with him. Mom, tired of trying to reason with him, mostly just agrees or ignores him (or tries to - but he can be mean.) But, after doing some research on Hospital Psychosis I realize we're supposed to distract him. Lead his mind somewhere else. But, he is so stubborn. Probably why he's still alive, to be honest. But it is playing against him mentally.

This is temporary. I know why he has this (can you imagine being in a hospital this long?) and it's actually very common. But...

I know that life goes on for everyone and I want to let you know that I appreciate your calls, emails, comments and support that you give mom. She is up there everyday, all day...