connections

I hope you are all well. I apologize for not posting the past few days. I have five kids here ages 7-15 and the computer becomes a precious commodity. *sigh*

Jack was moved to another floor. Something that sounds good in theory, but has proven it have it's own obstacles. As odd as it sounds, having him moved to a lesser critical area hasn't been the relief I personally was hoping for. I think that for one thing, his room in ICU, a room we became quite accustomed to, was large and had a nice big window. His room was right across the nurses desk. We got to know the staff. Now, he has been moved to a higher patient to nurse ratio. The room is small. Mom said it was called a 'pod' I'm not sure if she was kidding - but either way it's fitting.

Also, I think that he was becoming well in ICU - at least as far as context is concerned. He was being weaned off of his vent, while others around us were still struggling with their own vent issues. He was waking up while others were still medicated. The family of the man next door to Jack was having to consider turning off his vent as his prognosis wasn't good. And while we feel for those still fighting for their lives, it was obvious that Jack was getting better! He out of the woods, so to speak. In ICU, he was one of the "well" ones.

Enter intermediate care...suddenly, the strides look so small. Ok, so, he's awake. But, he can't speak because of his trach. He is off the vent but still on oxygen (and doing well!) He is still strapped down so he can't rip out his feeding tube or trach. But then, you can hear the guy in the room next to you talking about how cold his coffee is. You see patients walking down the hall and back. You see the food cart coming to other patients, but not yours. And you realize how far he has to go. It sounds so negative, I know. And we are so very thankful for how he gotten better. The nurse called him Miracle Man yesterday. And, it's true. He was dying. And he fought all odds! Every single one of them....

He obviously has a lot to work on. He needs physical rehab and his brain is still fighting for the lucidity he once knew. Sometimes he sees things as they should be. Other times, he is confused. And yet others, he looks depressed. One of the things we might have to face post ARDS is Post traumatic Stress Disorder, memory loss, depression...Yesterday, I took up pictures of things that would spark good memories. Information about his beloved Cardinals. I think that he needs his synapses to be reintroduced - like old friends. I am afraid that Jack sees this hospital room and the tubes and the trach as too much of a permanent reality. When, in fact, its just a stepping stone.

We need to reconnect him to the life he loved.