Sigh...

Go Forward With Courage
When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists
–as it surely will.
Then act with courage.

Ponca Chief White Eagle — 1800’s to 1914

It takes a lot of courage to deal with illness. Whether ARDS or cancer, MS or depression...

I am finding that doubt can silently sneak behind your eyes masking the sun with it's dark clouds. One day can be one of sun and joy, and the next day can make you feel like a ship at sea that is hidden behind a thick, gray curtain of salty mist.

Today has been one of those days that makes you the most tired. This morning Jack was doing well. His time trials off of the vent was going good. The nurse last night even said that he thought Jack would be down in intermediate care within five days. They started to slowly wake him up today too. We had been hitting the marks of progress and we were cautiously hopeful...

The doctor this morning said Jack's right lower lung was starting to get "squishy". I had said Jack's lungs were lazy yesterday. It's not lazy like, You-can-grow-crops-in-the-dirt-on-my-floor lazy. It's atrophy lazy. Jack has been laying for weeks now and his body position, the vent, his ARDS can all contribute to his 'squishy' lung. The doctor said that waking him, getting him to take deeper breaths, could help clear that area up in his lung. If worse comes to worse, he could

go in manually to open it up.

I mention this because tonight Jack's temp went up. Way up. This, of course, brings up his pulse and his BP. We don't know why, as they haven't had time to get the results back yet from the tests. Mom was going to spend the night but they sent her home with the promise of a call should it be warranted. Though, I am sure mom will call in the middle of the night to talk to the night nurse to check-up on him. It's another time of new worry and the unknown. The dreaded setbacks I talked of yesterday.

Maybe it's pneumonia...I can't even speculate on what else it could be right now. My brain is full.

Please keep us all in your thoughts. Mom especially. I wish I could trade places with her every now and again to give her a much needed break. She is so loyal to his recovery.

Off to bed to rest for tomorrow. I'll update when I can...